I need some Pep in my Step

I hate being on an emotional roller coaster. Sunday I was pumped and ready to get back to my life, and then Monday I woke up in a daze. Yesterday was a weepy day and I could not force myself to get back to work. Apparently I was a hot mess alone, because my precious husband showed up at about 2pm and worked from home. Just having him near me made all the difference. As soon as he was here, I was OK. Last night my mother and grandmother came over to see our new sofa. I imagined it being so much larger in our room than it is, so now I need to add something to this living room. I swear when we bought this house, we were SO concerned about our stuff not fitting in it, and now we need to add more! We watched Dancing with the Stars and I really don't like that show at all. It is almost torturous for me to watch it, BUT since there are now 3 ex-So You Think You Can Dance stars on there, I am in 100%. (You all know I watch reality TV shows targeted for the 19-24 age range.)

So everyone has been asking about the clinic that I went to and why I did not go to the Bennett Fertility Clinic at Baptist. Well, I really like my doctors office and their staff. The nurses are amazing at their jobs as well as being "humans." I can tell they truly care about us and our lives. They were always available for questions and don't mind taking time to answer a question that they have answered 1,000 times before. Here is the kicker though, just so everyone knows, I did check in with the clinic at Baptist, and they informed me that they will NOT take me there. They do not perform PGD and they do not send it out anywhere either. They referred me to a doctor in Dallas and told me to go there. Not that they were unwilling, they were VERY nice, it is just that the lady I spoke to told me that in 22 years, they have only had 1 case similar to mine and it is just too expensive to handle here. Why is it that Oklahoma is only 1 of like 10 states that cannot handle this process and why am I like 1 in 80,000 that have to have it done? Is this a sign from God that we need to move or maybe adoption is for us?

So, I am home from work again today. I need some pep in my step. I just do not want to go to work today. I work with 300 people and probably 299 know I went through in-vitro and I do not know which ones know what happened and which ones don't. Yes, I know I have a childish mentality right now and I just need to go face the music, but I DON'T want to talk about it and most importantly, I DON'T want to be a charity case. There are plenty of people I work with that are so sweet and I know that they truly have a broken heart for us, but I almost want people to just ignore it. I know when I return to work I will have 1,000 emails, 1,000 phone calls, 1,000 IM's and I don't want the pity party. My administrative assistant sent everyone she could think of an email or told them personally, but I know there are some people that she does not know who knew. I just don't like being the center of attention in situations like this. I am going to force myself to go in tomorrow.... I promise. My office is great though, they told me to take the week and not to worry, they will cover everything. I cannot do that. It is day two and I am stir crazy. This is why I think that I might not be a good stay at home mom. That is what my husband wants me to do, and I probably will, but I need to have a sense of personal accomplishment. I am NOT saying that stay at home moms don't, because I know it is a 100% full time job and a very honorable one, but I think it just might not be for me. Who knows. Have I mentioned that we have thought about becoming foster parents?

Anywho... here is another question people have been asking me. Yes, we are going to keep the blog operational, because the title is "Creating the Bradt Family" and we have not accomplished that yet!!
~Amy