I'm Not Too Proud to Say I Need a Therapist.

Something you are never ready for = Losing a Parent. I got a call on Good Friday that my dad had died. As prepared for this call as I expected to be, it has hit me like a truck. I was OK on Saturday and Sunday, but it has been a rollercoaster since then. Some days are good, some are bad. I found this picture of my mom and dad on my computer and was so excited. I love this picture of them because you can see the love they once shared and the excitement of having a baby.



Pretty sweet, huh? His funeral will be on May 17th, which would have been his 68th birthday. We thought that was appropriate... So young. It's funny when you are a child and you hear someone in their 60's died, you think, "Wow! They lived a long time!" But, as you get older, 67 is way too young to die. Cancer is an ugly, ugly thing. So far I have lost both sets of grandparents, an aunt, and now my father to the horrid disease. I hope the pharmaceutical companies can quit being so greedy, and a cure can be discovered soon.

So while we are on a "poor pitiful Amy" blog, I think I am going to go see a therapist. We had a Junior League boatride Tuesday night and a friend asked how I was doing. When I answered, "I'm okay..." she suggested I see someone. Over a glass of wine she explained that being infertile, losing my grandmother, going through 2 failed in-vitros, being in a miserable work environment, suffering miscarriages, working with my ex, and now losing my father in less than 2 years is a lot for one person to deal with. When she laid it out like that, I agree! She is also a fellow failed IVF friend who recently (with her husband) went through counseling and they are now 100% ready to face the world knowing they probably will never have a natural child. It's funny how your mind can be 100% behind something and then one day you hit the panic button. I thought I was completely ready to adopt and that everything was okay, until I heard myself over and over again in the conversation say, "and then, when we get pregnant" or "if we have our own child"... It was then I realized that maybe I am not 100% ready to adopt, but I think through some counseling I can get there. (I would say I am about 85% there right now...) A friend once told me that once you come to terms with the fact that you will not be a natural parent, you are ready to adopt. I need to get there and I need to get there quick, because I am ready to start a family!

Through all of this mess, two fun things occured. 1) We got to babysit baby Peyton again and she is SO STINKING CUTE! She is only 9 months old, and poses when she sees a camera - here see for yourself:



2) Our dear friends Court & Katie got married on the 30th! Such a fun time with fun people. This is the only picture we took, so please don't be alarmed by my psycho-cat eyes, or my husband's unusually large looking head in this picture!


It was after looking at this picture, my husband and I decided maybe it is a blessing that we will not be having a natural child. That poor kid would get nasty, thick, unruly hair and lots of GUMS! Good gosh, look at that picture! Where are our teeth? ~Amy