ANGRY

So since the last post, there has been a lot going on in the Bradt household. Let me start from the beginning. Sunday (after the wedding) we took a pregnancy test and it was positive. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? We freaked out. We were excited, scared, nervous, all of the above. By Tuesday, I started having signs of a miscarriage, so we were on board with what would happen. Shockingly, the doctor called to tell me that my HCG levels were progressing nicely and that so far, so good, reassuring me that some women have symptoms of a miscarriage in a normal pregnancy. So, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday went by still experiencing the same. Saturday night, we went with our friends Jeff & Angie and Eddie to the Lynryd Skynryd/ZZ Top concert. It was a blast, but FULL of the trashiest people I have ever seen (that's to be expected though, right?). We joked that we could one day tell our child that they got to experience that when mommy was 6 weeks pregnant...



Still feeling good, I went to the doctor Tuesday morning and headed to Lawton for my dad's funeral. The funeral was amazing. The church did such a phenomenal job with the Repass, that I can never repay them. High school friends, Norman friends, and people that my dad touched, and I never knew showed up. It was lovely. Between the Mass and the Repass, I had to call my doctor to check on the results. Sure enough, healthy baby, healthy pregnancy! We were SO excited and finally starting to calm down about everything thinking this was going to be our miracle. Right about that time, I started having SEVERE pain on my right side, but thought it was just my uterus or something, and kept on trucking.



Wednesday morning I woke up in probably the worst pain I have ever experienced. We call my doctors office and they told me they could get me in after the lunch hour, but my pain could not wait. LONG story short, I ended up in the ER, and was admitted to the hospital for an ectopic pregnancy. REALLY? Really. Can you believe my luck? How many people can say that during their father's funeral, they suffered from an ectopic pregnancy. We were...are... completely devastated. After spending the night in the hospital, I had two options: 1) Have surgery and potentially lose my tubes or 2)Try a round of chemotherapy shots that will actively dissolve the pregnancy. I opted for #2. So far, so good as my HCG levels are dropping nicely. This has been the most painful experience ever. So painful, in fact, that my husband has seriously thought of getting a vasectomy so we do not have to EVER go through this again.



I know people say that God only gives you what you can handle, but I want to have a one-on-one conversation with God right now to tell him this is all. As mentioned in my earlier blog, I was/am at my limit and now this. This makes me angry. This makes me angry at the world. If it was just another normal miscarriage, we would understand but to have a healthy pregnancy and it just not be in the right place??!?!? My chances of getting pregnant on my own, and having a healthy baby is only 15%. Thanks a lot for making this my 15%. Oh, and the doctor also told us this week that my chances for having another ectopic pregnancy are now 1 in 5. Awesome. RIDICULOUS. That is all I can say about it - RIDICULOUS. So here's to all those horrible Meth addicts that continue to have healthy children that they neglect. (Have I mentioned I am angry?) ~Amy